5 Things I Learned From My First Birth

Mama Birth, one of my favorite birth bloggers, posted "5 Things I learned from my first birth." http://mamabirth.blogspot.com/2010/11/five-things-i-learned-from-my-first.html?spref=fb

It has inspired me to make my own version, inspired by hers.  Some things I did right and were of the utmost importance, a couple I will do next time, but maybe someone out there will learn from my mistakes (ahem, DOULA!).

1. I am lucky!

I used to think being a woman sucked.  OK, so I still hate how I am always thinking about things like whether someone is going to sneak up behind me in a dark parking lot or is it dangerous to leave my bedroom window open at night, which most men generally don't have to think about at all.  Not to mention all that woman trouble month after month...but it is totally worth it.
None of this "childbirth is punishment for Eve's sins" for me.  Yeah, contractions don't feel good and once your water breaks and you get pushing it is the hardest work a person will ever do in their life.  I would go so far as to say that it DOES hurt.  But the reward is incredible.  The hormones, even after finally having a c-section, from all that natural labor, made me feel the most intense and transcendent bond with my baby I have ever felt.  I love my husband, but that love took time, trust, and experiences to grow. Imagine all of that and more in one unmeasurable moment in time.  I would have had a thousand labors to have that one moment with my daughter.  Not to mention that now that she is a little older, the gratification of observing how you are the most hilarious person in your child's entire life. I am SO GLAD to be a woman.

2.  Expectations about your birth matter.

I know women who say they had a great birth who spent hours attached to machines, watching afternoon television, getting frequent cervical checks from doctors and residents who need the practice, waiting to be told when and how to push.  They sort of feel the same way.  "Yeah, it sucks, but it is totally worth it."  How could we have such different experiences and still love our births?  It is the expectation.  If you go into it expecting it to be worse than it is or about the same, you will be OK with your birth, but if it is worse, you could be traumatized.  I planned a home birth and ended with a c-section, but I knew the odds were in my favor and that I did everything in my power to have the birth I wanted, the rest was up to God, fate, or whatever.

3. The people at your birth matter.

Surrounding yourself with loving support and some professionalism will make a huge difference. Ultimately if you are planning a natural birth like I was it is up to you to do it, nobody can do it for you (and if you choose that route you don't want anyone else to do it for you).  But having people who believe in you and the process around you make a huge difference.  Negativity, insensitivity, even plain old condescending comments have been the stuff of many a birth story I have heard, which is tragic in my opinion.  Birth and babies happen every day, but each one is a miracle, each birth is sacred whether you believe in "God" or not, and a woman who is giving life ought to be treated with the utmost respect.

4. Hire a doula.

I had two homebirth midwives, my husband, and a photographer.  I thought that sounded like too many, but for most of my labor I was pretty unaware of who was around.  I really only remember a connection with my husband, and after 24 hours of labor he was spent.  We should have hired a doula.  I knew that before, but somehow thought it wouldn't make a big difference.  Ultimately a doula would not have changed my breech birth and I probably still would have opted for a c-section at the end.  But Gabe and I needed a doula, in ways I could not have anticipated. So whether you go super-technical or granola on your birth plan, HIRE A DOULA (that being said I am so glad Ginger was our photographer, once we got to the hospital and she muscled her way into the surgery she reminded us of the things we did, or rather didn't, want done after our baby was born when we were both too stunned and tired to think, that is the sort of thing a doula does).

5. Hire a midwife.

I firmly believe the things I believe when it comes to birth, and I am proud to say that most of it is based on the best science and research available.   I am sad to say that OB's, hospitals, and insurance companies do not.  They have other factors that naturally come into play.  For instance, a long labor (over 12 hours in the hospital)  is not bad for you or your baby.  But many doctor will tell you when it has been "too long" they are worried the baby will go into distress.  Fiddlesticks.  Hospitals are businesses, and OB's have a LOT of patients so they can afford the highest liability insurance of any doctor.  Hospitals need those beds for the other women trickling in to have their babies, and OB's have a busy daytime schedule of pregnant patients, they (understandably) don't want to wait around all night for your baby to start coming out.  Besides, do you want an OB who has had no sleep for three days performing surgery on you?  Give these people a break.  Or better yet, hire a midwife.  You can have a midwife in the hospital.  You can have a midwife and get an epidural.  You can have a home birth midwife depending on what state you are in, and depending on your health history.  A midwife, in general, is highly skilled and trained in birth, not in surgery.  They can safely handle many "problems" at home or in the hospital.  Most complications are actually handled better by a good midwife, avoiding surgery.  Studies have shown that mortality rates while similar for midwives and OB's among healthy women, complication rates were lower for midwife attended birth, and at the lowest among home birth midwives, probably due to the lack of unnecessary medical interventions).  And a midwife should be with you for your entire labor, if they are a good one (beware of "medwives" and don't assume someone who says they are a midwife is going to be awesome, always ask questions).